The keys to self-confidence

self confident black woman

There is nothing wrong with you sis

In case you had doubts about it

Hope you are doing good today and this letter finds you well.
During the last few days, I have been coaching women who do not feel confident in their own skin and to whom, this lack of confidence has had tremendous impact on their career, business journey and sexuality.

If I had to  sum up their feelings in one sentence, it would be the following : "What is wrong with me?"

  • When your boss is micro managing you, going behind your back to modify your work, you are here asking yourself : what is wrong with me?

  • When your man won't get down on you and do what it takes to satisfy you in bed, you are here asking yourself "what is wrong with me?"

  • When trolls come to your instagram page to complain about your products and question the serious of your business, you are here, asking yourself, what is wrong with me?

Honey, there is nothing wrong with you. You are perfect, as you are, and there is nothing you have to do in order to make people change their feelings, behaviour or respect towards you. The only thing you can do, if there is anything to be done, is to cultivate your own private garden, your sacred space, that will keep you grounded and stand still. When you are convinced you are doing the best you can, there is nothing wrong with you.

What do I mean by cultivating your own private garden? I mean by that finding the activities what will enable you to express your art and little by little, master it. You don’t have to share it with the world straight away. But what about this dance classe you’ve always wanted to go to? What about this poetry you have had in your mind for 10 years, what about this news sports you wanted to try? Those places you want to visit? Those wigs you want to wear? This photoshoot you want to do? Do it ! Privately first, then when you will feel the courage to share it because you see the beauty of it, you will.

Actually, those situations (micro management, impossibility to satisfy one's partner sexually, trolling on the internet...) say a lot more about people's insecurities than yours. I talked about this in my latest blog post, I really encourage you to read it.

black woman wearing a mask

When you are full of doubts, when you feel insecure about your beauty, your sexuality, your career, your business, most of the times, it is because you do not allow yourself to be authentic. Say what you really mean. Express what you really want to express. Present yourself as you are, truly and fully. And I understand why, It takes a lot of courage to do it, no one wants to be rejected. It's even more so the case, when as black women, we've been taught that we do twice as much, be twice as more, to keep up in this world, and meet people's expectations.

I was talking about this with my friend Taren Guy, that I brought in Paris a few years ago for what, in my heart, remains the best Natural Hair Academy. Transitioning from the beauty Youtuber to a spiritual teacher cost her a lot. Her interview will be in the next edition of Afropreneuses Magazine. Same for me. Sharing my erotic poetry and expending my practice to sexuality with the world cost me a lot of worry, uncertainty. Going and back and forth. A burnout. A bunch of instagram followers.
Do I regret it?
Absolutely not. The messages I am receiving from you are so wonderful and powerful, especially for the release of Yes She Came, my new book.

And you, do you allow yourself to be really authentic?

From Anjou with love,